


Episode Xish - The Documentary

by UtopiaPlanitia



Series: Episode Xish - The Documentary [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Documentation, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Mixed Media, Multi, Reality TV, Silly, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26347042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UtopiaPlanitia/pseuds/UtopiaPlanitia
Summary: PROJECT PEACE - THE DOCUMENTARYThe dead are dead once more, as they should be. The restoration of peace in the galaxy is slowly progressing.GENERAL LEIA ORGANA starts a new project on Ajan Kloss to peacefully unite the remnants of the RESISTANCE and the FIRST ORDER.The pacification efforts will be broadcast throughout the galaxy as a shining sign of hope. The first transmission will commence shortly...This is pure crack mixed media.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Episode Xish - The Documentary [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940080
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	1. Trailer

[Watch the whole video with sound on my tumblr!](https://hiersinddrachen.tumblr.com/post/626811613760094208/almost-ready-to-drop-the-first-part-of-this-little)


	2. Introduction - Meet your host(s)

  


Goodness! New viewers! Hello, I am C-3PO, human-cyborg relations.

Welcome to the pilot project of the new New Republic* here on Ajan Kloss.

I have the great honour to show you the results of the peace negotiations between the Resistance and the remains of the First Order!

_*not the official name, unfortunately one has not yet been able to agree on one_

What do you mean, Princess… General Leia wants you to tell the story?

_More beeping_

Marketing experts are saying that you are cuter? What utter nonsense. This HAS to be a mistake!

Oh dear! Artoo! You won’t believe it, this rolling rust bucket says…

*Beep wheep pu*

You knew? Why does nobody tell me anything!

<p></p><div>

_Hi! My name is BB-8. I’m an astromech droid. _

_My job is to watch out for my best friend, Poe Dameron._

__

_Poe is a pilot, and I help him fly his spaceship._

__

_I also make sure nothing bad happens to Poe, and cheer him up when he’s sad._

__

_My job has become a lot easier since the war ended. Poe, our friends and I were all in the Resistance, and we fought the evil First Order. We won, and the evil First Order is not allowed to be evil anymore._

__

_See you next time when you’ll get to meet my other Resistance friends, and our new (not evil!) friends from the First Order._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't want to wait for updates, follow me on hiersinddrachen.tumblr.com for the newest entries, extras and previews!


	3. Introduction - The Resistance

_Hello everybody, today I would like to introduce some of Poe’s friends to you. Oh, they are my friends too, of course!_

_You’ve already met C-3PO and R2-D2. R2 is an astromech droid just like me. He is a slightly older model, and is pretty chill for such an old dude._

_C-3PO talks a lot. He says that that’s his job. I don’t quite understand it. He hasn’t talked to me that much in the last few days. When he sees me, he usually says something like “thieving little short circuit" and then stops talking. Poe says that I have to explain to him how I did that._

_This is Finn. He is Poe’s best friend. I like him, too._

_Before he became our friend, he was a janitor in the First Order. There, they are called "Storm Troopers”. Finn didn’t like working there, so he left._

_The First Order gave him a droid name, which is stupid, since he is not a droid at all. Poe helped him find his human name._

_This is our friend Rose Tico. She is a really good engineer, and she maintains my selenium drive and my internal self-correcting gyroscopic propulsion system, and my thermal hyperscan vindicator, too, and all that other stuff I’m made of._

__

_This is Rey. She was my friend first, but I don’t mind sharing her with Poe. She has something the carbon based lifeforms call “the Force”. She can lift me up without touching me, and other fun things I don’t really understand._

_Rey has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend used to be part of the evil First Order. You will get to meet him and the other ex-evil people next time._


	4. Introduction - First Order

Hi, there you are again! Today I will introduce you to the people who worked for the First Order. Sounds scary, doesn’t it? But don’t worry, they are not allowed to be so evil  anymore. 

Remember my friend Rey? Ben Solo here is her boyfriend. Like Finn, he had another name when he was in the First Order. He was Kylo Ren, and very, very, very evil. Like evil evil. EVIL EVIL. 

Rey likes him very, very, very much, though, and she asked me to not bowl him over anymore. So I stopped. For now.

General Organa made Rey, Ben, R2-D2 and C-3PO be housemates, because “they are in that honeymoon phase”. I had no idea R2-D2 and C-3PO were married. 

This is Captain Phasma. She used to be Finn’s boss. He always grinds his teeth when he sees her and mumbles “Smile. You are not allowed to murder her.” And then he opens his mouth and shows his teeth, like this:

When Finn did that the other day, Poe asked him if he had indigestion. That’s a mistake in the interior workings of humans. Finn answered, “Very funny”, but I didn’t understand the joke.

Oh, but we’re talking about Phasma! She has a nice shiny suit of armor. I like that. 

Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka is pretty nice for someone who’s been in the First Order. Poe says he reminds him “of those little mouse droids the Order’s so fond of”. Mitaka likes to hide behind General Hugs when he sees Rey’s boyfriend. 

Millicent, you’re too early! You and Hugs are not on until next time! 

This is Millicent - and the one running after her is Hugs.

Hugs and Millicent are o ur housemates -  Poe and I are living with them.

General Leia says this is so we can set a good example for the rest of the galaxy. 

Poe says it’s a crazy idea.

But I’m not supposed to repeat that. Oops.

_Hugs is actually General Armitage Hux, but Poe says that Hugs fits much better because the evil bastard could really use a hug, so now all we have to do is find him a volunteer._

__

_ I tried yesterday, but Hugs might have taken it the wrong way. _

_He said, “Dameron your droid is trying to attack me. I expect you to restrain it!”_

_Poe then said to me that he understood the impulse, but that I should leave Hugs alone._

_So that means that Poe wants to hug Hugs, too. Maybe I should help him._

__

_Millicent is a cat. Hugs is something like her underling, he does all the work and brings her food. She speaks a very complicated language which I’m afraid I don’t understand - yet._

_ I asked Poe, he says Millicent wasn’t really in the First Order, so that means she was never evil. She and I are friends now.  _

_ Next time, Poe and Hugs will shoot a “campaign poster”. I don’t know what that is, but I’m sure it’s done something bad. Poe would not shoot it if it hadn’t.  _


End file.
